Money and Anxiety: What Financial Stress Really Looks Like and Taking Back Control
Following on from last week's newsletter about anxiety - inspired by some of the wonderful humans I've been speaking with in my coaching practice - I have a few more tips that I think could really help.
What Is Financial Anxiety?
At its core, financial anxiety is anxiety that coalesces around money and finances. It may not actually be about money - though it could be - but it is a fight, flight, freeze or fawn response to money, money behaviours, or financial consequences. This can lead to irrational, panicked, overly emotional decisions, or often, a total lack of action.
It might mean lying awake at night doing mental maths, refusing to spend money on essentials, spending money you don't want to because you can't say no, avoiding your bank account entirely - or checking it multiple times a day. It's a tricky one. I got much more into it in the newsletter so I really recommend reading that first and coming back.
Also sign up to the newsletter here because there is some juicy financial stuff in there and it comes out every single week.
How Can I Deal With Financial Anxiety?
You know I'm going to mention financial coaching!
For most people, this is a pretty ideal solution - unless things have got more serious, in which case therapy, or even financial therapy specifically, might be what's needed. And there is absolutely no shame in that.
Good coaching has a remarkable way of pinpointing exactly where the problem is.
You might already know you're anxious about money - that your freeze response, for example, has left your savings sitting in a 0% interest account losing value in real terms - but how do you actually get out of that?
You find your trigger. The connection your wonderful brain made at some point between a behaviour and a feeling - the one that decided freezing was the safest response. We find it together through open, curious questions, taking our time to really look at the thing.
How often in life do we get the chance to talk - as ourselves, no pretence - with somebody who is genuinely interested and compassionate? It's truly a wonderful thing.
Once the connection is found, we assess it together. How has it helped you? How has it held you back? Is it true? Is there an alternative? And importantly - does it fit into the life you're building?
If this sounds like it would work for you, you can find booking information here.
Some Practical Tips for Dealing with Financial Anxiety
1) Write down your numbers. Once. (Probably not in the middle of the night, though.) Income, outgoings, debt, savings. Anxiety loves vagueness - it swirls around the unknown and makes it bigger and badder than it really is. A real, specific number might feel uncomfortable, but it is always less frightening than an imagined one.
The Working Out Your Net Worth blog might help here.
2) Unfollow any account that makes you feel less than, inadequate, panicked or behind. This counts for lifestyle and attitude as much as finances. You don't need to compare yourself to anyone. Your journey is your own.
3) Use a cashback credit card with a deliberately low limit for expenses you'd be paying for anyway, and automate the repayment. You're practising making good financial decisions, building a credit history, getting rewarded for it, and there are built-in safety rails so you don't have to worry.
4) Pair the thing that causes anxiety with something you enjoy. If opening your bank app fills you with dread, do it while you're waiting for your morning tea to brew. Do this even when you don't need to check it. It creates a positive association, and over time it becomes just a thing you do - not a thing to fear.
5) Batch your financial admin into one dedicated session and don't let it bleed out. Get comfortable, get prepared, and get it done.
A small bonus: whichever of these tips you try, make sure you acknowledge what you're doing. Don't let the good work pass unnoticed.
Say it out loud: ‘I'm unfollowing this account because I deserve to feel good about my financial journey.’
Mark on a calendar every day you checked your app.
Light a candle you only use for financial admin. Make it a ritual.
I know there will be more to come on this topic. Someone I was speaking with recently was curious about what support I'd suggest for people dealing with depression alongside money struggles, and I have thoughts on that too, so watch this space.
Money is so much more than what's in your bank account. It's your safety, your security, your access to society and your future. It's worth thinking about on this deeper level.
Love Eleanor. xxx
