Financial Red Flags in A Partner

I keep saying that choosing a partner is one of the biggest financial decisions of your life.

I go into more details in this blog here, but how somebody deals with money is a real indicator of how life will go - not the only indicator, luck has a part to play of course - but a big one.

Assessing the lay of the land will take time, but it’s important that you do assess it and here are my suggestions for some things that should set alarm bells ringing: 

Red Flag No. 1: Secrecy Around Money

Somebody who won’t discuss salary, debts or spending with you. Not straight away, of course, but over time, you’d expect a gradual opening up.

They might deflect every money conversation (‘don’t worry about it’), hide their bank statements or have secret accounts and credit cards that you don’t know about. 

Red Flag No. 2: Financial Infidelity

Essentially, taking decisions about you and your money but without you.

Making large purchases without discussion, or selling important things, hidden debts which appear suddenly, credit cards taken out in joint names or lying about where money is going.

Red Flag No. 3: Extreme Financial Irresponsibility

This could be refusing to pay bills even when they have money, always being in their overdraft even when they have a reasonable income, using credit cards every month with no plans to change, gambling problems or addictive spending, monthly payday loans, regularly quitting jobs, investing everything in a stock they heard about on TikTok, or multiple debt collection letters/court judgments.

This is somebody with no forethought about their money, no plans for a stable future. To be clear, I’m not talking about people who are genuinely struggling and deep in the shit - some of these issues might affect them - I’m talking about people who make choices to be there even if they don’t have to be.

Red Flag No. 4: Freeloading

Somebody who expects you to pay for everything with no reciprocity, maybe they ‘forget’ their wallet all the time or come up with elaborate excuses to let you struggle. Spending all their time at your house but not contributing. Yuck. No thanks.

Again, reciprocity doesn’t depend on having money. If they’re not contributing financially are they offering what they can? Housework perhaps, or support in other ways, are they aware of the imbalance?

Red Flag No. 5: Keeping Up Appearances

Somebody who will spend beyond their means to impress others or show off. Won’t buy generic brands and ‘needs’ designer everything or new everything even on a modest salary.

Not only is this a financial red flag, but in my humble opinion, it’s a self-confidence red flag. Who wants somebody who would choose image over what they actually love and want?

If This Tips Into Financial Abuse

Some of these are really quite serious. That financial infidelity one is stepping over into financial abuse. I wrote a newsletter about economic abuse which you can find here. If this affects you please make sure to click through as it includes the definition, some steps for you to take and links to lots of resources. 

Believe Their Behavior

What I’m not suggesting is that you see one of these and jump ship immediately (although, literally, you are free to do that if it feels right!!) but rather, let people show you who they are. Allow their words and actions to build a picture.

Money isn’t separate from the rest of our lives, it’s about who we are, our attitudes, our upbringing, our goals, our values and the way somebody treats it gives you an insight into the sort of person they are. 

I can think of many many more, so maybe I’ll follow up at a later date. What red flags would you add to this list? 

Love Eleanor. Xxx