A Romantic and Wealthy Valentine’s Day
It's nearly Valentine's Day and I'm feeling sexy and romantic. Specifically about talking about money with your loved one(s). What could be sexier and romantic-er?
Choosing Your Life Partner Is a Huge Financial Decision
Ultimately, one of the biggest financial decisions that you will make.
Their attitude towards earning, spending, saving and investing will affect your lifestyle now and in the future - in good or bad ways! Money is frequently cited as a major cause of divorce - disagreements about it, financial and economic abuse, hidden money, hidden debts, 'stupid' decisions, burying heads in sand.
Money In Relationships -The Good, The Bad and the Ugly
Divorce will also likely be one of the most expensive events in a person's life. Buying a house together will likely be one of the biggest investments. Bringing up children, gender roles and taking time off for that. Caring responsibilities for your partner, them for you, and also for the family you may well become part of when you partner with them. The effect of totally different income levels or earning potentials and how to balance that. Where you're going to live.
Of course, this could also be joyful. They may bring money and stability to the relationship which you couldn't dream of. They may encourage and support you to upskill, invest, dream, value yourself or -heck - even spend more if that's something you struggle with. As they develop, you might get inspired. You will likely learn things from each other and about each other which affect every other part of your life.
No partnership looks the same, and not everybody will end up in one, of course, but we're social animals and some sort of lasting connection is more likely than not. Given that this can have such an outsized effect, it's certainly worth thinking about and approaching with some intention.
Money Date Nights
I love this concept!
You and your loved one(s) sit down and talk about money on a regular basis. The idea is to take a relaxed, non-judgmental overview of your finances - what's coming in, what's going out, any issues, any opportunities, dreams and goals. Often with snacks.
It's something which suggested regularly within the personal finance space and I can see why - getting on the same page, spending positive time together imagining a future, testing roles and boundaries, making sure everything is out in the open - that does actually sound quite sexy and romantic to me.
I've also never managed to have one. Have you?
Why Money Date Nights Feel Hard
Something about sitting down, with the intention of doing-an-important-thing-but-also-keeping-it-fun makes me startle and I just have nothing to say. And whilst Dr Chris will indulge me, even get a lot out of something like this, it just isn't the sort of thing he could lead himself.
It is what it is and we are who we are, but it used to worry me that I couldn't get things 'right'. Here is this great idea, means so much, I am totally behind it - and yet, I can't manage to get it done. What a fucking failure. It's important that nobody else shames themselves for not being able to force themselves into societal constraints, but that doesn't apply to me of course…
That was sarcasm.
The Power of Self-Acceptance
Ultimately, self-acceptance has done more for me in personal finance than knowing the numbers ever could. That's why so much of my content is about lifestyle, intentional living, confidence and knowing yourself.
If the date night is about getting on the same page, then the goal is the shared page and not the date. If I am so busy shaming myself for not being able to do a money date night, how am I going to have the energy to put into getting to that page together?
Self-acceptance has meant that I know I need to feel confident in what I'm saying to express it well - so I take the time to think before I bring something to Chris, even writing it down a few times.
Self-acceptance (this is probably more husband-acceptance) has meant that I know that Chris doesn't think as quickly as me, he doesn't want to get everything hashed out at once, he benefits from reading and thinking around the subject - so I can introduce something, perhaps offer a book or website, step back and trust that he’ll come to me when he’s ready.
Self-acceptance has meant understanding that if I'm feeling anxious about something, in reality, it isn't likely to be our financial situation even if it feels like that in the moment - so instead of bringing that to Chris and expecting everything to get sorted that minute, I use some of the therapy tools I have to calm and ground myself first.
Self-acceptance also means that I am responsible for my future - Chris isn't my knight in shining armour (I was surprised at how deep the belief that somebody was coming to save me was when I first uncovered it).
Do you do money date nights? Do you do them differently to the norm? I would love to share some ideas with the community!
Love Eleanor. xxx
