On Being Self Confident
This weeks newsletter is a corker! Even if I say so myself. It’s about knowing when to treat yourself, and when to rein yourself in and I make the case that so much of this is about self worth - knowing yourself, loving yourself and behaving appropriately.
A Change Of Plans
I was hoping that today’s blog was me launching my coaching but alas, it wasn’t to be, due to a backlog in VAT stuff so instead I’ve been scratching around a bit for something to write - a lot of my planned stuff revolves around having the service to sell, so that’s all going to be useful, just not yet.
As often happens when I’m trying to do something that doesn’t immediately feel easy, I started faffing around with stuff that didn’t really need doing - going through the mounds of emails I missed whilst I was away - and incredibly I’ve been inspired!
An Inspiring Newsletter
James Clear, who wrote Atomic Habits (that’s an affiliate link so if you buy through it I’ll earn some money), has a fabulous newsletter which I highly recommend. It comes out on a Thursday and he gives you three of his thoughts, two quotes and a question - sometimes a bit too… self-conscious for me but overall, generally very thought provoking. A couple of weeks ago one of the quotes was:
And when I saw that I immediately thought of a moment from holiday when I was reminded:
I’m Not Like Other People.
We met this lovely couple from Leeds-ish early on in the holiday. I spoke to the bloke first because he sounded eerily like my dad - in tone, accent and sayings. Turns out he’d been a miner from the area my Dad was from and I just so enjoyed the sound of his voice. I got to know his wife a bit later, she was more of a gobshite - similar to me and I loved her.
It was my wedding anniversary whilst I was away and lots of jokes had been made about my relationship with Dr Chris, how down-trodden he is and how I think he should be grateful to be married to me (he should be, and I to him!). I also talked about why I love him and why he loves me - and they shared their relationship too. It was sweet.
The Secret To Being A Self Confident Woman
The woman kept saying how she’d never met anybody like me: in that I was so sure of myself. And I’ve heard that a million times before. I’ve been asked about my confidence before and I honestly think the secret is, I just know the truth of me. I’m not totally confident about everything about me, there are aspects of myself which I suppose I would change if I had the chance to, but I know who I am. And knowing who I am doesn’t take away from anybody else - I’m not in competition.
I Just Know Who I Am
I know I’m clever, so why would I pretend not to be? I know that I know a lot of things - I know about finance, history, money, knitting, crochet, business, Nottingham, living in Sweden, Cats - gosh, loads of things! I don’t know everything about those things, there are many people who know more than me but I’m confident in what I know there - why would I pretend to be anything else?
Knowing that also frees you up to be truthful when you don’t know something. I am not an expert in music, geography, technology, politics, tax etc. so I won’t pretend to be. I can enjoy listening to people that are, ask questions and find more stuff out.
I also know I’m good at chatting to people in real life, especially British women. I can switch it on and off a bit, and not everybody I meet loves me, but more or less, if I meet a British woman - there’s a good chance I can find a way to have a heart to heart.
It happens wherever I go, it happened at the wedding without me even trying, it’s a big part of why the shop worked. I’m not the only person with that skill, I’m probably not the best at it, but it’s a truth about me and one I know I can rely on. Why wouldn’t I feel confident in it?
Performative Helplessness
One thing that always irritates me is feigned incompetence. I’m not talking about genuine insecurity, but about that performative helplessness that so many of us - especially marginalised people - have been socialised into. Simpering about, apologising, suggesting that maybe, possibly the thing might actually be this and if you could just possibly have a look - hehehe - silly me.
If you know a thing, you know it.
Own it and let’s go!
Life is too short for lacking well earned confidence!
Next week I’ll talk a bit about becoming the sort of person that you want to be. Hint: It’s more simple than you think.
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Love Eleanor. xxx
