The newsletter may have had a little refresh but the scramble for appropriate photos remains. I’ll call this a gift to you - it’s me posing awkwardly at The Abba Museum (well worth a trip, even if you can’t stand Abba!).

I had planned to talk about this before Christmas but life, and the flu happened. I wonder if it might be better received now, in the aftermath of it all anyway?

It's a hot take and it's not always popular but I propose that we…

That's right. It is possible to stop giving gifts. I've done it! In fact, this was the first year I've given gifts since my wedding in 2018. I gave them this year (hand knitted socks) because I felt like it and I knew they'd be well received and loved. But I've been a Scrooge in past years and even refused gifts that have already been bought for me (!!! I understand how extreme that sounds but I'll explain).

And honestly, neither are most other people. From September the shops fill with utter crap dressed up with red and gold bows, prices inflated for three-for-two deals. You'll hear the odd Christmas song, Black Friday comes, gift guides pop up, somebody invites you to a secret santa and before you know it, you've spent £100 on stuff nobody actually wants to celebrate a time which is supposed to be about family, friends and good will - not plastic crap that Amazon wants to shift.

I started to question it all when I read Marie Kondo's books (I'd start with The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying if you're curious - that's an affiliate link). She's coming at it from the angle that it's okay to get rid of presents people have given you.

We so often hang onto stuff we don't want or need out of guilt or good manners, but truly, the gift's purpose is to be given. She goes as far as to say gift giving is for the giver, not the recipient and I tend to agree.

The thing is, we can stop this before we even get to the point of how we get rid of stuff. We can simply not give gifts.

I told the relevant people that I wouldn’t be giving gifts and I'd prefer they didn't give them to me either. I wanted to spend time with them, that I might give gifts through the year, that I wasn't mad at them and they could do whatever they wanted but I simply wasn't interested in an exchange of goods when I - for the most part - bought what I wanted and needed.

It hasn't stopped everybody. My mother-in-law (god bless her) is a staunch gift giver, although gifts are fewer and lower value now. Most gifts she gives are joint presents and for the house, and I'm not a monster, so I gratefully accept them and make sure they're used or passed on.

was when I had to refuse a gift from a friend directly. I know it upset her and we've spoken about it since.

This friend doesn't have a lot of money. She's somebody I've spent time with, helping with the house or ferrying stuff around. I know she's grateful and her natural 'love language' is gift giving - but I felt increasingly guilty receiving offerings knowing she couldn't afford them and I wasn't loving them. I explained several times that I was grateful but didn't want any more, that I'd prefer to spend time with her - she's a fabulous cook, so we love to eat together.

One day, I've no idea what the breaking point was, I just point blank refused a face mask and she's never offered anything since. Our friendship hasn't suffered, we've been more intentional about how we show appreciation, and I no longer have to find ways of using stuff I don't really want.

In discussing this with people, I’ve been told that they simply don’t want to ‘be intentional’ with some people (I guess that means spending time) which is interesting. I find it hard to understand how you could like somebody enough to buy them a gift but not to spend time with them.

Let me preface this: I don't have them and I don't want them, so what I share is from knowing children as an 'aunt' and hearing from friends who have children. My next hot take?

I know I don't have to put up with the whining and what a privilege!

My theory is that they don't know it's crap when they're asking for it, but they realise it is when it's laying on their bedroom floor being ignored an hour after opening.

I don't think it's as simple as explaining that it's all crap pushed at them by clever marketing. I also don't think it's fair - in this society right now - to not buy children Christmas gifts. But we do them a disservice if we leave them out of the conversation about capitalism, waste, greed and joy. This is a year-round conversation that all the children I've interacted with can handle, at their appropriate level.

I get that it might be a bit much to just stop. I suppose I’m only tongue-in-cheekily suggesting that you do. But I am offering another way. You don’t have to take part in any of it. You can take part in it as much as you choose to. The world doesn’t explode.

Here are some ideas of what a middle ground could look like:

Gift time. Book a meal to enjoy together, buy tickets, offer babysitting services or house-cleaning.

Hand make something. Some people are 'knit-worthy' (and crochet/bead/sew/watercolour/woodwork-worthy) so thoughtfully make something.

Give your own vouchers. I've totally stolen this idea from my friend Steph who gave her sister a voucher for a hand-made sweater last year. They discussed and agreed the design and yarn together and Steph handed it over earlier this year. What a way to ensure the gift is loved!

Gift vouchers. These get a bad rap (Starbucks had $1.77 million in unused vouchers on the books in 2022!) but they're a great way to ensure the receiver gets what they actually want. How about following up after a month to check it's been used? And make sure you use any you've been given too!

Only buying high street. Make the gift buying an experience for yourself. Make a plan, devote some time, enjoy a mulled wine and support a thriving local economy. It’s often not much more expensive, but if it is, buy less!

Happy new year everybody! So much exciting stuff to come, including the return of my less-relaxed-but-more-get-shit-done-self. Can’t wait.

Love Eleanor. xxx